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[04 May 2005|06:24pm] |
i guess im annoying, an idiot, get drunk and pass out, have no character, or no integrity, and am really lame. i guess i should just die. you see, i didnt aim my hurt feelings right towards you. i aimed them at something you care about. you will eventually get over the hurtful "words" that i said. but me, i cry at least 3 to 4 times a day and hate life. i think about you guys over 10 times a day. and yeah, you guys can be mean to me all you want, but i will never stop caring about you guys. i was friends with you all for too long to just throw everything away. and it hurts knowing that i care so much, and that all 5 of you dont care at all. yeah you might have cared for a while and gave up. but i never gave up. thanks for being a true friend.
p.s. straight edge means im better then you- guess what, you win. you are better then me. congradulations.
new livejournal. dont try to find me. ive already added you.
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[03 May 2005|08:21pm] |
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First off, i want to say to everyone that im sorry for saying all the stupid shit i did. I never really meant it i was just really upset that my "friends" were saying shit about me that hurt alot, so i retaliated to that by talking shit about all of them. Now i feel dumb for doing it...like i said before i never wanted to stop being friends with all of you...but when everyone was saying shit about me breaking edge i got really upset and hated all of you. It might not seem that big of a deal to lose me as a friend, but i lost 5 friends...5 really good friends that i looked up to and had the best times of my life with. I miss being friends with all of you...if you dont want to be friends with me anymore, thats fine. I just want everyone to know that im sorry and feel stupid for saying all that. When i first started being straight edge i wasnt really thinking about it being till death, i just wanted to be with a boy i had a crush on. I know it was gay of me to post that picture of me with a cig. and an edge hoody, i realize that. I dont have anything against being straight edge or any of the morals and beliefs that go along being edge. I think its really sweet that you guys can stay true to what you feel. but straight edge isnt for me and it never was. I never thought it was. So can we please just end this and can everyone stop saying "megans a sell out" because that hurts and causes me to say things I dont mean. I just want to end this all right now. hopefully you guys might feel the same way, or maybe not. whatever one you pick, i dont care its your decision.
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[29 Apr 2005|04:40pm] |
dont apologize,
I HOPE YOU CHOKE AND DIE
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[23 Apr 2005|09:58am] |
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asper |
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i have all these emails saved from brook. remember how its cool how i got replaced by my own best friend. that makes me feel like shit. and its also cool how no one, and i mean NO ONE will tell me what i ever did to them. i dont talk to anyone anymore because ive lost trust in everyone. why cant someone just tell me what i did. i dont answer my phone anymore. i dont call people back. i dont call anyone. i dont even pick up my sisters phone calls. ive cried the past two weeks to my support group. i hate life. sometimes i want to just want to forget about everything and pretend like nothing happened. i dont want to start over, i just wanna go back to the way things were. other times, i want to punch all of my old friends in the face because they fucking hurt me soooooo bad. and i cant just ignore it. you cant ignore things like that. this isnt my fault.
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[21 Apr 2005|05:25pm] |
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[03 Apr 2005|01:21pm] |
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summer! |
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saves the day i wish |
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its so nice and sunny out. right now eric alex kyle shea elisha and a bunch of their friends are outside playing 4 square. im sitting inside on the computer. last night i saw genna and it made me really happy. but sitting here alone by myself is sad. wheres my best friend when i need her. why cant she come sit in the house and be bored with me too. or why cant she come play 4 square with me and the guys. its not fair. i never did anything to fix this and neither did you. so dont make this all my fault. its not all my fault.
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[27 Mar 2005|10:08am] |
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the mars volta |
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you didnt think i would forget about pictures did you?
( old pictures )
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[26 Mar 2005|12:50pm] |
im going to miss all my buggy friends :[
i already feel weird having the whole upstairs to myself.
spring break will be fun.
im spending it with eric, danny, kyle, and mike.
i get to be fucked up for 4 days and not have to worry about anything.
i avoid phone calls.
ill only answer if i feel like talking.
i think its time for another new livejournal. :]
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[10 Mar 2005|04:47pm] |
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tuesday i hung out with erin and we had girl talk. im failing 4 of my classes and my mom told me i had two choices. either go to a mental institution because im too stupid to get good grades, or go to a nunery. things are fine now though. my sister is moving out. my grandma is slowly dying on my living room couch. me and eric get closer and closer every day. i still miss certain things. eric got his parking pass taken away. i got a referral. now im dropping a class. for spring break im going to stay in a cottage in atlanta michigan. weird. its me, and like 10 other boys. i guess its cool how ill be the only girl. not. anyways it should be a fun week. tomarrow is friday, and me eric adam and schwalm are hanging out. thank god its friday. the past two wednesday ive had to go to kevins floor hockey games. no mr. fairbrother. taste of chaos is tomarrow. thats why i have had it off work for 3 months. am i going? no. i dont really care that much though. ive already seen the used, underoath, senses fail, and my chemcial romance, so its not that big of a deal. but it would have been fun. i dont update ever, so im just trying to get everything thats going on into a paragraph. i have a cold. its snowing again. i just want it to be summer so i can go and sit in our spot and pretend things were the way they used to be. saturday i got drunk and threw up, and it made me think about a lot of things. erin bobby dave and shawn and some of their friends came over. i also had people over on friday, which was weird. today there was a fight after school at shell. there was like 50 kids there. they started fighting, then like 5 minutes later mr. butler showed up. then every left really fast, and then finally two cops showed up. it was fun. i worked today and was hyper. now im just waiting for eric to call so i can get out of my house. i think hes with alex. im bored. this is lame.
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[07 Feb 2005|03:35pm] |
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on december 1st of 2003, on my very first journal ever i made an audblog. an audblog is one of those things when you call livejournal and they post what you say. friday night, i worked from 5-10 and then was at my sisters party. someone called my house, and played the recording that i had on my livejournal. the next day i found out that this person had called erics house and left the same message. his older sister and dad thought i was on crack. but erics little sister insisted that i wasnt. then when i got to their house and heard the message, i knew exactly what it was from and went and listened to it. let me remind you that when i made the audblog i was still straight edge, still was on habitstodeath, and still had a crush on andy. ha. today i didnt go to school and eric asked chris mojan about it because i figured it would be them. he said he didnt do it, but said that avanthi and julia got the phone call as well. also, not to mention that my mom had gotten the same call 2 months ago. i deleted all my journals, but like that will do anything. if you know whos doing this let me know.
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[03 Feb 2005|04:37pm] |
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bleeding through |
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ive had so many different chapters in my life. but out of all of them i think that this one is by far the best. i know it will have to end eventually. and i wish i could live in this chapter forever. and i wish sometimes that things could go back to the way they were. its so hard to let good things go.
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[20 Jan 2005|05:05pm] |
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misery signals |
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laying in his arms being stoned out of my mind and having it be so quiet that the only thing you can hear is his breathing and you realize that everything is so infinate and everything around you is blurry and spinning and your tripping out and so sleepy at the same time that you just want to live in that moment forever.
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[11 Jan 2005|03:09pm] |
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orchid |
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i realized that if stupid things like "selling out" or having a boyfriend or having sex or anything like that can come between friendships that all my friendships were lies. if someone can throw away a friendship over something like that, then i dont think they were ever really friends to begin with.
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[10 Jan 2005|04:13pm] |
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new screen name : turtle megz
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[04 Jan 2005|06:26pm] |
You don't say much of anything
When questioned of your whereabouts
And I just can't see through the evidence
It's evident
It's right in front of me in black and white and red
And I don't believe in much of anything
I'm glad I have people I call friends
If it was up to me I'd never have to miss you
It's for the better in the bitter end
I guess you'd know the best
You have every right to be
This appalled with me
Join the club
I signed up a long time ago and I know how you feel
And when you decked me
You left me knocked out on the floor
I came to bloodied up, but you weren't around
I picked my teeth off the ground like they'd been there before
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[04 Dec 2004|11:41pm] |
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.
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Once on a yellow piece of paper with green lines
he wrote a poem
And he called it "Chops"
because that was the name of his dog
And that's what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
and a gold star
And his mother hung it on the kitchen door
and read it to his aunts
That was the year Father Tracy
took all the kids to the zoo
And he let them sing on the bus
And his little sister was born
with tiny toenails and no hair
And his mother and father kissed a lot
And the girl around the corner sent him a
Valentine signed with a row of X's
and he had to ask his father what the X's meant
And his father always tucked him in bed at night
And was always there to do it
Once on a piece of paper with blue lines
he wrote a poem
And he called it "Autumn"
because that was the name of the season
And that's what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
and asked him to write more clearly
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because of it's new paint
And the kids told him
that Father Tracy smoked cigars
And left butts on the pews
And sometimes they would burn holes
That was the year his sister got glasses
with thick lenses and black frames
And the girl around the corner laughed
when he asked her to go see Santa Claus
And the kids told him why
his mother and father kissed a lot
And his father never tucked him in bed at night
And his father got mad
when he asked him to do it
Once on a piece of paper torn from his notebook
he wrote a poem
And he called it "Innocence, A Question"
because that was the question about his girl
And that's what it was all about
And his professor gave him an A
and a strange steady look
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because he never showed it to her
That was the year Father Tracy died
And he forgot how the end
of the Apostle's Creed went
And he caught his sister
making out on the back porch
And his mother and father never kissed
Or even talked
And the girl around the corner
wore too much makeup
That made him cough when he kissed her
but he kissed her anyway
because that was the thing to do
And at three A.M. he tucked himself into bed
his father snoring soundly
That's why on the back of a brown paper bag
he tried another poem
And he called it "Absolutely Nothing"
Because that's what it was really all about
And he gave himself an A
And a slash on each damned wrist
And he hung it on the bathroom door
because this time he didn't think
he could make it to the kitchen
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[09 Nov 2004|03:48pm] |
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alkaline trio |
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scat!
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timetogrow's journal
